


Anonymous Messages

by PinkQueen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4012906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkQueen/pseuds/PinkQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina starts receiving provocative texts from a privatised number. Swanqueen one-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anonymous Messages

Pairing : Swanqueen   
One-Shot. The characters are not mine. A bit cracky. And crass.  
Reposted and edited from my tumblr.  
Feedback Welcomed!  
———————

Regina was sitting at her mayoral desk as per usual on a mundane Monday afternoon. Filling out taxation forms and budget reports when her phone went off.

Private - Hello Madame Mayor, how is things with you today? How’s your skirt feeling? A little strained around the buttock area I’m guessing? Oh, and don’t let me forget about that poor button third from the top of your shirt, it must be feeling positively strangled trying to hold together your modesty!

Regina stared at her phone for a full minute as if willing the words to change. She couldn’t believe someone would have the audacity to send her such words.  
Since Emma had blasted into town and pretty much changed everything people had started acting differently. But really. Who would send this? Clearly it was an admirer.. Or maybe it wasn’t an admiration.. But rather.. An insult?! She continued to look at the words when reading it over and over when.

Private - Oh, Madame Mayor, cat got your tongue?..That razor sharp tongue that I’m sure has given many lashings in it’s time. Not so sharp today though.. Hmm?

Again Regina just stared. She clicked the phone icon at the top of the screen. A smirk formed over those crimson lips as she hit the dial button.

\- ‘I’m sorry this is a private number, and has been disabled for inbound calls, goodbye’

The smirk faded. She looked once again at her screen and proceeded to type.

R - Who is this?

Private - That’s it? That’s your big come back?! I must admit I’m disappointed.

R - Well, seen as I don’t know who you are, I feel no reason, or impulse to converse with you, it’s a waste of my time and frankly I don’t spend time on cowards. So consider this as my goodbye to you.

Private - Okay! Okay! Obviously I misjudged you. I took you for the kind of woman who never backed out of a challenge.. I thought this could be a fun game for you. I thought you would relish having something .. Or should I say someone .. (Me) to find.. And either destroy or make sweet passionate love to? But I guess I was wrong. I guess you are as much of a coward as I.

Emma finished the text and pressed send on her new restricted phone (a phone she had ordered when she was sitting in her office bored out of her mind, when she had the fantastic idea to order this great phone for all the really gritty police work she thought she would be doing a phone that could hack into calls, a phone that cannot be hacked..) …But it had just been sitting in the cabinet for weeks. This was Storybrook after all where it seems to have the lowest crime rate in the world. So, she had pulled it out to look at it again when she had the amazing idea to text Regina and wind her up with anonymous texts. That woman infuriated her to no end. And yet she couldn’t get enough of her. She looked down at her screen hoping that Regina would respond. Wishing that she would respond. The game had just started.. And yet it could also be endi—

R - Clearly you know me quite well. That means I can score off about 80% of Storybrooks population. Combining that with the percentage of commoners who would be far too afraid to ever speak to me in such a way, as well as the people who are smart enough to know better, that takes away another 12%. So, Coward. You are one of the 8%. I’d be careful if I were you, because what I will do when I find out who you are will definitely not be the latter of your two suggestions. Tread carefully coward. 

Emma’s smile grew wide at seeing that Regina had indeed taken the bait. However it turned into a wide open gape once she got past the first few lines. Realising she was the one who took the bait. Of course Regina wouldn’t back down. *idiot, Emma! Idiot!* she typed back.

Private - Well played Madame Mayor, I should have known better.

After feeling quite pleased with herself for making the mystery messager feel bad for disrupting her. Regina resumed her paperwork with a slightly cheerier vibe, finally something interesting had happened that wasn’t threatening to her or her son, something kind of .. Dare she say.. Fun?!

——————————-  
It was Wednesday afternoon and the Tuesday had went by without a single text from the mystery texter. But today was the town hall meeting and Regina was up on stage as she was every week, talking about things nobody really cared about. But the main thing was that everybody in Storybrook was there. So everybody could know exactly what was happening in the town. But even though everybody was there, perhaps only a quarter of them actually paid attention.  
The mayor had sat down to let Sydney take to the stage to announce some news about some kind of town talent show thing he was organising. Regina sat down and her phone vibrated on the desk she picked it up and looked at it. 

-4 New Messages-

Private - Hey sexy looking good up there, you wear that dress well.

Private - it’s still another item if clothing that clings on to your ass and tits though. But I’m not complaining.. Quite the opposite actually. I mean no one seems to even listen to a word you say, all eyes seem to be on you, ogling at you when you bend over, lean forwards and sway your hips.

Private - I wonder what’s under that dress, I think when you bent over that last time to plug in the projector the light hit off your ass and I’m pretty sure I saw an outline of suspenders?.. Yep you just did it again to flick the switch, definately suspenders.. Kinky girl.

Private - Oh God Regina, I’m so horny right now thinking of you in those suspenders. I wanna just spread your legs and stick my head between your thighs and eat you out till you scream! Fuck. I want you so bad!

Regina didn’t know what to do she froze. She looked up into the crowd of people, Sydney still murmuring away on stage. She saw about half the people in the room had their phones out. She decided to text back, try and weed out the culprit.

R - I’m wet.

She texted and looked around the room for a reaction. She seen Mary Margaret jump out her seat practically yelping. And that caused a bunch of people to look around and mumble. *of course Snow would ruin her plan to out her mystery texter, just like she ruins everything else*

(Emma had looked at her phone, she had it hid under her leg away from Mary Margaret’s prying eyes. But when she read what Regina had texted she grabbed the closest thing to her which just happened to be Mary Margaret, and pinched at her leg causing her to leap from her seat and create a spectacle)

———- later that night ————

R - I was being sarcastic by the way.

Emma was lying in her bed playing candy crush when her other phone buzzed. She threw her game down and picked up the other device.

Private - Yeah… Sure…okay.. I saw the way you looked at those messages up on the stage you were practically begging for me to come up there and do what I had expressed I wanted to. Don’t deny it. I’m not. I’ve had to get myself off five times since I got home cause I couldn’t stop thinking about your dripping cunt.

Regina was in her bed reading glasses perched atop her nose, flicking through Cher’s biography ‘The First Time’, when her phone lit up. She closed over the book and placed it on her bedside table and picked up her phone… She felt a little giddy knowing it was from some mysterious admirer.. *cunt!?!?!! Who uses that word?! How dare they.. How.. Why.. Why am I getting wet thinking about this?.. Omg wh.. Oh fuck it!*  
After scolding herself internally, she slipped her hand up under her nightdress, under her panties, and into her well lubricated folds. She couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped her lips when she pushed two fingers inside herself, rolling her hips into the thrusts of her hand, getting off to a mystery texter who said ‘cunt’. Honestly..  
After she had tired herself out, she went back to read the text again..  
*-I’ve had to get myself off five times-* She thought it through… *Someone who says cunt so blatantly and yet says get myself off.. Not ‘wank’ or ‘jack off’… And five times.. Omg.. It’s a woman!*  
Regina had never even considered it being a woman.. Not that she hadn’t been with women before, but it had been a long time.. She’s been mayor of Storybrook for just over 28 years and in that time had only been with Graham. Back in the Enchanted Forest she had had a few trysts with Maleficent and a rather rough but not entirely unpleasant encounter with Ursula… Though she wasn’t really sure if she could class the octopus as a woman.. *More like half woman half man with eight long, strong, angry penises… *She shivered and pressed her thighs together at the memory… But this mystery messenger being a woman was a new development.. an interesting development. Her list of suspects were now down to six possibilities:

Blue *that bitch*

Ruby *The scantily clad hussy*

Granny *that old dog still had some bite in her*

Katherine *my friend.. I do hope it’s not Katherine, the one friend I have just now, I don’t want to lose that*

…Maleficent? *but there’s no way it’s her, I know she can’t have cell reception down where I put her.. Plus she can’t text, she’s stuck in dragon form.. I probably shouldn’t have done that to her.. She’s gonna kill me if she ever gets out…*

Emma *ugh.. She’s vulgar and crass enough.. But it wouldn't be her.. She hates me*

So actually it was down to four.. Hmm.. It now wasn’t as fun….

R - You are a woman?

Private - I’m guessing that long break between my text and yours is because you just thoroughly fucked yourself to the thought of me doing it to myself with you in mind? Am I wrong? And yes, well done Madame Mayor, I am a woman, are you surprised?

R - you are incorrigible. I admit I was surprised, however since this has come to light I have narrowed it down my list of possibilities for who you could be.. and unfortunately for you.. I don’t like the thought of any. So. If you don’t mind, I would like for you to stop harassing me. Goodbye!

Emma sat up straight as she read Regina’s text. *shit… Is this another of Regina’s games to try and work out who I am? Or is she genuinely not happy with the possibility it could be me? Maybe she got it wrong? Maybe she’s just lying.. Maybe.. Oh screw it! What have I got to lose now anyway*

Private - Nah, I’m not falling for that Regina. I know you have the hots for me. So either your making shit up, or you got it wrong babe.

Regina rolled her eyes as she saw her phone light up. She should have known this pain in the ass mystery woman wouldn’t take her goodbye seriously. But as she read the text she was perplexed.. But also intrigued.. There was only two people on the list of four she found mildly attractive.. One she hated, she literally couldn’t stand, but she had to admit Blue wasn’t unpleasant on the eyes.. the other.. Well she couldn’t hate Ruby, she was actually quite fond of her, but she has been around the block one too many times for Regina’s liking.. It would be embarrassing to say Blue if it was Ruby.. And vice versa. But either way she didn’t want anything to do with either of them.. So Regina played it safe.

R - I know who you are. And to spare you the humiliation and my wrath. all I’m going to tell you is that your four letter name, is never a name I will mutter in lust. So. Stop this nonsense. I am not in the mood. And I would rather you keep your distance from me in all aspects of my life, thank you very much.

Emma’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach. Regina knew, the four letter word obviously meant Emma. Or Swan. This was a complete disaster and an embarrassment. She really thought Regina might secretly, way down deep, like her back.. Even just a little…

—————————-

It was the next day and Ruby noticed how down the Sheriff was looking.

Ruby- “Hey?”

Emma- “hey..”

Ruby- “okay spill!”

Emma- “I don’t want to talk about it”

Ruby- “fine.. But your not gonna be going about looking like you just got punched all day. So I’ve decided we are going out tonight. And you are coming! Don’t care what you say. Your coming! Kay! See you at 7 at The Rabbit Hole!”

Before Emma could refuse Ruby was away again serving customers. It might not be the worst idea, honestly she could use a drink. Or ten..

——-9 o’clock that evening——-

Emma had shotted about half a bottle of tequila and had been drinking beers in-between, she was completely wrecked! She was mumbling and stumbling and slurring her words as Ruby probed her to talk about what was bothering her.

Emma- “She. Jursts donut laik meh, aund, I jufst campt dreal ithit! Srees furkimgh purfik! An I thuing I lirf err!”

Ruby- “Omg let’s get you home!”

——————

After practically dragging Emma home to Mary Margaret’s apartment and dumping her on her bed, she went and got her a tumbler of water and then Ruby buggered off back to the bar and proceeded to dirty dance with just about anyone who bought her a drink.

————

Emma who was practically thrown onto her bed, sat up, drank her water and grabbed her phone and decided to private text Regina again, Emma always gets really horny when she drinks, and there’s really only one woman she’s horny for right now. And she needed to talk to her.

———————-

Regina was in her study reading through some budget proposals, she should have went to bed hours ago, she was just about to get up from her chair to do just that when her phone buzzed.

Emma - Hey Madam Mayor, you know there are lots of people in this town with four letter names, I think you were playing me, you don’t know who I am, I’m a little drink just now and I just had to text you to tell you that I’m gonna finger fuck myself and Im gonna be thinking of you and your big ass and your perfect face and smile, your sexy eyes and your tits that are begging to be let free from your fuckbh skin tight shirt. Night night Regina Xx

Regina just stared at her phone, her mouth not able to move. *it was Emma?! … It was Emma.. EMMA… Wtf! But Emma hates me? What the actual fuck?! Emma?… Well.. Perhaps this could be interesting.*

Emma dropped her phone to the floor and crawled into bed and followed through on what she had claimed she was going to do. Her fingers curling up inside herself imagining Regina’s taste, her skin.. Her everything.

————the next morning————

Emma awoke with a splitting headache. She couldn’t even remember going out last night. *What the hell did I have to drink?!*  
She swung her legs out the side of her bed and picked up her phones.. She clicked on her ‘private’ phone and was surprised to see a message, she clicked on it.

R - Well, clearly I hit a nerve, I guess your name does in fact consist of four letters, that could make you a number of people. You could be Blue, Ruby, Mary, Jill, Emma, Nova.. I’m not going to name all, but, I will admit.. I do miss your impromptu messages.

Emma s headache almost completely vanished. She couldn’t help herself she had to respond:

Private - well well well..who knew Regina Mills loves dirty talk from a stranger? ;-)

R - Oh, a stranger? I was under the impression we had met before?

Private - well a stranger in the sense that you don’t know who I am, but yes, you do know me. And I know you, and I would like to get to know you a whole lot more. And see and feel and taste a whole lot more of you too ;-)

R - Ha, well.. what would you like to know?

Private - I would like to know a lot of things like what you feel like under your clothes, and what inside of you feels and tastes like. I’m getting hot just typing this. I want to know what makes you whimper, what makes you horny, what makes you tick, I want to know everything.

R - well.. you need to know a bit more about me as a person first before you get to know all those things. Not that I might ever provide you with the answers to your queries.

Private - I am pretty sure I already know you pretty well.. Quiz me, I’m sure I’ll surprise you.

R - fine, let’s keep it simple. what’s my favourite colour? What’s my favourite scent? And What is my favourite fruit? Hmm? Get even one of them right and I will be impressed.

Private - ppfft! easy! Red. Cinnamon. Apples. What do I get for impressing you? Can I ask a question and you have to answer it truthfully?

R - congratulations! You managed not to get a single one right. I knew you wouldn’t. So no. No question for you.

Private - Wait? What? Your not allowed to lie. C’mon Regina, you gonna send me a nude for guessing right? ;-)

Emma was pissing herself laughing. *As if Regina would send a nude!!.. But omg! What if she did.. I would die.. Of orgasm.. Omg. No.. She wouldn’t.. She wouldn’t send a partial stranger a naked photo of herself… Would she..??* Emma’s thought were cut short by the phone buzzing in her hands.

R - No, actually you were wrong on all three. And as for nudes.. Don’t be absurd. However, I’m pretty sure I know a bit about you… Even though you clearly don’t know me as well as you thought.

Private - mmhmm.. Okay then, I’ll bite.. So what is your favourite colour then? You favourite scent? And fruit? And I’m interested to learn what you think you know about me.

R - Pink. Coconut. Strawberries. Ah. What do I think I know about you… Are you positive you wish for me to answer that?

Emma smiled at the first line of the text, *pink?!?? Strawberries???!??? What?? Unexpected..*

Private - pink? Strawberries? No way?! You gonna tell me your idol is Barbie next? Haha, and yes Regina I’m positive!

R - Yes, pink and strawberries. And no, my idol is not Barbie, though I don’t dislike Barbie. And Okay. Well. You asked for it. Here’s what I know about you my dear. You are a woman. You live in Storybrook, you know me, I know you, you are taller than I, you have longer hair than I, your hair is blonde, you have a hideous yellow car, you love bear claws.. And.. You are a coward Miss Swan.

Emma couldn’t believe it. One minute she was flirting playfully, the next she felt butterflies in her stomach and then a sick feeling, she literally felt she was going to throw up. Regina knew it was her.. How? !?!? How could she know?! She had been relatively careful and.. How??!?!?!?  
It was like Regina could read Emma’s mind.  
Emma’s other phone which lay at her feet went off and Emma looked at the screen, Regina had texted her.

R - read your last message.  
Emma scrolled upwards.. *oh fuck…..Thank fuck for autocorrect.. But still.. Shit. I texted Regina from my actual fucking phone last night thinking I was being as discreet as a fucking ninja.. And Fuck… But hold on.. wait… That means all this morning she has been humouring me… She knew it was me all morning?! Wtf is going on?!?!!??*

R - So. Emma Swan, I must confess I was taken aback when I realised it was you who had been sending me highly inappropriate texts.

E - I’m so sorry Regina!!! I kind of thought you wouldn’t figure out it was me.. I just got too caught up in the game. I’m so sorry.

R - the game? This was a game?Your sorry? What exactly are you sorry for? Hm? For making me a laughing stock? Hmm??

E - Are you seriously gonna make me list all the things I said and that I’m sorry about?

R - Well Miss Swan, I don’t want a written apology, however I do expect a oral apology, in person, I want to see you squirm as you tell me how sorry you are. And you can provide me with your begging for my forgiveness in my office at 13:30 along with your week late paperwork. Don’t be late Miss Swan.

*FUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!* Emma now needed to do that damn paperwork. And go and face the woman who she has been harbouring feelings for since she met her. And who now knows it.

—————13:26—————

Regina checked her makeup - flawless as always. She sprayed herself in perfume, ‘Angel’ she applied a strawberry balm to her lips. And fixed and smoothed out her outfit. She had opted for a black skirt which hugged her curves perfectly accentuating them in a delightful manner, it fell to just below her knees, but there was a slit up the back which went to mid thigh. She had on a pink shirt which she had not completely buttoned up, her cleavage on show in spectacular fashion, her black lace bra could be seen depending where you were standing. And to top it off a pair of black heels. Regina stood at the front of her desk, her back to the door, she bent over at the hip, and began signing off on a few small business proposals.  
Emma walked into the room without knocking and was met with a beautiful sight. Regina’s ass in the air, pushed out as she was leaning over her desk, clearly signing something, the slit up the back of her dress revealing her stockings, Emma wasn’t aware but her mouth was hanging open. Regina stiffened when she realised Emma had entered the room.

Regina - “see something you like Sheriff?”

She peeked over her shoulder at Emma who had jumped up straight at the sudden noise which broke her from her trans.

Emma - “what? Wh..what? Eeh.. I just brought the paperwork you asked for…um..”

Regina stood up and dropped the papers she had been signing on a side table before returning behind her desk, gesturing for Emma to take a seat at the front of it.  
Emma walked forward and sat down watching the dark woman, unsure on what to say. Regina rolled her eyes and stood leaning over her desk giving Emma a great view of her chest, reaching forward she grabbed the folder from Emma’s hands and say back down and began to flick through it. Without looking up from the papers Regina started speaking.

Regina - “So. Miss Swan. Is there something you wish to tell me?”

Emma just sat there fidgeting with her fingers.

Regina - “I mean you certainly were not short of words when you were texting me.. And yet you seem to be having difficulty now..hmm.. Let me help you out..it begins with S."

*sex* Emma still just looked at Regina, her face had turned white as a sheet.. *no not ‘sex’ she obviously means ‘sorry’* She was feeling a bit sick. She wanted to tell Regina sorry.. But she also wanted to tell her that she meant every bit of what she had texted.  
Regina closed the folder and looked up at Emma, she noticed how she looked a tad unwell.

Regina - “Emma?”

Emma - “yeah?”

There eyes locked.

Regina - “are you okay? You look.. ill”

Emma - “yeah.”

Regina - ” ‘yeah’ your okay? Or ‘yeah’ your ill?”

Regina moved around her desk and placed the back of her hand on Emma’s forehead.  
Emma just looked at her, *this woman is gonna be the end of me. Just tell her! Just fucking tell her!!*

Emma - “Regina.”

Regina took her hand away and looked down at the blond who was now getting up from her seat. She stood up, a rulers distance apart.

Emma - “Regina.. I’m not sorry for what I did.. I mean I am sorry, but I’m not, at the same time. The way I did it was cowardly I guess… But what I said was true.. I was scared of you rejecting me, so I didn’t tell you it was me, but I’ve been thinking about you for a while now. And every time I’m around you I feel myself lusting for you and wanting you, I really do want to get to know you, I just had to tell you, because I can’t keep it in any longer.”

Regina looked up at the sheriff.

Regina - “I see.. Well then.. What are you going to do about that sheriff? Hmm??”

She took a step closer to Emma, licking her lips as she did so. A smirk reaching her face, her eyes black and a flicker of her eyebrow.

Emma - “uh.. Uh.. Whwhhwhat?”

Regina - “Really Swan? Are you going to just stand there acting dumb? Or are you going to take me in the ways I know you want to? But please decide quickly. I have a meeting in an hours time.”

Regina just rolled her eyes dismissively and went to walk away from the blond, and before she could even register what was happening Emma’s hands flew up and grabbed the mayors face in place as their lips collided in a majestic lock. Regina’s lips tasted of strawberries, the blondes tounge swiped across the brunettes lips pleading for entry, at which Regina was happy to provide, Emma’s mouth warm inside and the dark haired woman’s mouth was cool, their tongues intertwining as if battling for dominance. Regina’s fingers tangled in golden locks, Emma’s hands left Regina’s face and were roaming over her shoulders, then down to her waist, then to the small of her back, finally landing on that perfect round rear she had been fantasising about, she squeezed hard and Regina gasped into the Emma’s mouth, it was so damn hot, the sheriff ground her hips forwards and walked pushing the mayor backwards, still connected at the lips.  
Regina’s ass collided with her desk, and just like that Emma broke off their kiss, removed her hands and just stood in front of her. *Gods, she looks so beautiful with her lips all swollen and that light hair falling messily around her face*  
Both women breathing heavily. Eyes locked on one another. Emma raised her hands and began unbuttoning Regina’s shirt. She took each button slowly watching Regina’s face as she did so.

Regina - “c’mon Emma! I don’t have all day”

Emma raised her eyebrow and ripped the shirt open sending a few remaining buttons scattering over the floor.

Regina - “Emma! I have a meeting! I told you! I don’t have a spare shirt!.. Oh. You know what.. Fuck it, you better be fucking good!”

Emma smiled at Regina, it was so fucking sexy, Regina couldn’t help but smile back. Emma leant in closer and undid Regina’s bra, her mouth next to the brunettes ears.

Emma - “you have no idea what I’m capable of Madame Mayor”

…… The End. Let your imagination run wild.


End file.
